A Pair of Shorts #6

Everybody loves a good drama
By: James

“You can’t say that!”

“Says who?”

He can’t believe it. He really can’t. To be fair, I think part of him is actually amused that I’d come out with such a comment, but really, who’s gonna be offended? Our small party of diners seemed to approve, or at least weren’t as vocal as he. Or maybe the sight of him nearly spitting out his Prawn Bhuna was what tickled them.

“You just can’t.” He says, genuinely flabbergasted.

I’m not being funny, but I don’t think it’s that offensive. Personally, when I hear the term, I’m neither amused nor disgusted. It’s not like it makes one think of the racial stereotype from which it takes its name. Still, I don’t really know how to get out of this one, as we’re in a rather crowded restaurant and I need to defend my outburst, somehow. Think, McFly.

Got it. I need to take this back for the people. Come on man, enunciate with clarity now.

“Well I’m hardly likely to say ‘Urethra’ now, am I? That wouldn’t make for polite conversation.” I do hope I look genuinely concerned.

The table laughs. Job done.


The crestfallen chiropractor, saddened by his children, beleaguered by his wife (Utah, 1987)
By: Lydia Crow

Whilst idly strolling by the banks of the Great Salt Lake in Utah,
I met a broken whimpering man, a desolate chiropractor.

“Oh!” he sobbed in a moaning voice laden with self pity,
“I cannot stay here; I cannot live any longer in this city.

“My first wife has been reading all those women’s magazines,
With pages full of daft ideas and evil female schemes.
She says she’s now a feminist, and keeps spouting off statistics
About the female/male divide and current office politics.

She’s decided to take on lovers!  She’s filled the house with men!
She says it’s my just desserts for marrying again.
So what if I have seven wives?  That’s part of my religion.
I shouldn’t have to suffer from the product of her dissension.

My children now just sadden me – how do I know they’re mine?
They could be anyone’s at all, from her shameless pantomime!

Oh, I have to leave!  I have to save my reputation and my face;
I need to find a peaceful haven where women know their place!”

I left him there, alone and sad, beside the rippling waters;
Beleaguered by his first married wife, made sad by sons and daughters.

I don’t think I need to comment on this so I’m not even going to try:
But ponder on this story, my friends, as I wish you goodbye.


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