She was beginning to bore me by this point and I was concerned that it was becoming obvious, perhaps in the involuntary saccades my eyes tend to make during uncomfortable social situations. I could feel myself staring at her with an unnatural intensity, a rather unsuccessful ploy to aid in the feigning of interest. And of course nodding more frequently. Let’s not forget that. As this seemingly interminable monologue continued, it suddenly dawned on me that I was feeling acutely self-conscious. I wondered whether sucking on my lower gums was something I normally did or was it another sign of anxiety. My boss was the kind of know-it-all bitch that would probably have read a book on body language at some point. And misunderstood it. At this point, Maria walked past and started using the photocopier. Her ass looked really nice and I wanted to squeeze it. We had been getting on pretty well that day, I thought. I really wanted my boss to piss off so I could go over. But now she was talking about nutrition (that most tiresome of topics), specifically the dangers of eating too much fried food. “No more than twice a year? Really? Ha, ha. I guess I am going to die early then!”, I offered half-heartedly. In truth, it was difficult not to like her, despite her ability to chat. She is one of those positive people that it is considered taboo to speak ill of in any way, as if any suggestion of flaws in her character would be more a reflection of one’s own fallen nature than hers. But now she was cock-blocking me and this was really intolerable. Then just to add to my woes, Nathan, the ‘arty’ member of staff stepped up to the photocopier and started flirting with Maria. Why is it that these arty types keep pinching all my favourite girls? What is it about Nathan, that gangly, anaemic bottom feeder, all ingratiating grin and bad teeth that the office girls seem to find so fucking attractive? Maybe, I mused, he’s just a bit less of a cunt than me.